Discerning Intentions - Love is Where?

Discerning Intentions - Love is where?

I've been thinking I'll write a blog on self-achievement. How accomplishments fulfilled me. Success in school, success in work, in everything...but not in love. So this article is all about love then. This might bore you (bear with me) but I hope you will learn a little from me as I'm expecting to get answers from my own queries and confusions, too. So help me. I need a friend. =)

I topped school, academic scholar, dean's list, chancellor's list, etc etc. I graduated with the highest honors as University Class Valedictorian and gained impressive citations, approval and applause of my professors and the general audience (humility set aside just this once...forgive the boldness...). I'm the young high-spirited girl who made it to the top. I landed a good job and fulfilled my goal to help my parents and siblings. To break work monotony, I grabbed one modeling offer (just once). I sang with the band (mismo band). I treasured my freedom! I'm accountable to no one but myself. I had everythin' in my grasp. I was happy back then.

But life changed. My struggles started when I married this guy whom I've thought to be my soulmate. I gave birth to the most beautiful boy. We had a happy almost-perfect family. But then just like other marriages, incompatibilities and fights took over. World peace was at risk then! Our home was nothing but a house of sadness and suppressed emotions. We talked like we were just house boarders or we didn't talk at all. We may not have spent time knowing each other well (?). We got married in a hurry. Everythin' impromptu. I was too young when I married him. I was immature and tied without parents' blessings. Hence, my karma. I was idealistic on love like it should be nurtured and be given enough time. I have loved him but we just didn't work out. Hurt. Frustrated. He had no time for me and our family. He was always at work even on Sundays, holidays, went home late night and so on...I was devastated. I felt so alone and helpless. Unloved. Our relationship went sour. My son was (is and forever will be) my only happiness and my best buddy who comforted me at his young innocent age. So I put all my love to this little man and promised not to love anyone else.

I remembered my high school classmate once told me that I'll be successful in my career but will fail in love. This is now so true. We broke apart and not anymore willing to mend things. I have few suitors but doubts clouded me. I don't believe in their stories and empty tinkling words. I can't find one with true intentions, who can offer true love. I received proposals but all seem empty. What is real? Is it still possible that I will love and be loved to the core? What is love then? The love that I know is the love between me and my son only. I'm not that cynical. I just don't trust men now. Mostly are predators just waiting to devour vulnerable prey. If you're not strong and cannot discern true intentions, you'll end up frustrated., shattered.

So ladies, use your brain. Maybe I did not use mine (???). Sometimes heart betray. The best thing that ever happened to me is my son, the only one whom I'm clinging on. The reason why I'm still strong despite my heartaches. The ultimate love of my life, my one great love (above all our Lord Jesus Christ).

Browsing the net, I bumped into Mr. Amari Soul's quotes which enlightened me.#ReflectionsOfAMan 

"Sometimes, him being the wrong man isn’t the real problem. The real problem is you deciding to give him a chance, knowing he’s the wrong man, thinking you can change him."

"Never go into a relationship thinking you can change a man that has already shown you his true intentions are not what you want. In the end, he won’t change and you’ll end up frustrated, heartbroken, and alone wishing you had done things differently."

Not all words are true.  Not all relationships last long. Men utter words you would love to hear but hearts are empty. Learn to discern. Women, brace up and love yourself. Above all, be strong and faithful to our Lord God. Move on though it's still hurting. Focus. Concentrate on those who love you (like my son and my family). Be brave as this storm shall come to pass.

- Joan T. Nadela

Human Resources Practitioner

Philippines